Sobriety

2022.01.22 20:44 psyopticnerve Sobriety

I have been sober for over twenty years now, a feat I didn’t accomplish through a program or even through my own willpower. This isn’t to preach to anybody, it is only a chance to tell my story. Maybe someone will be helped by hearing it.
The day I had my last drink I woke up on the couch, fully clothed and covered up by my jacket. My bloodshot eyes were assaulted by the winter sun shining directly onto my face. Prying my tongue away from the roof of my mouth took actual effort and brought with it the stale taste of the various liquors I had been drinking the night before. As I sat up the room tilted viciously, assuring me that I was still completely loaded. I could hear Melodie moving about the kitchen and tried to stumble my way over to the bathroom before she saw that I was awake.
Splashing water on my face and staring at my reflection had become my ritual for each time I woke up this way. I would try to piece together the day before while glaring at my reflection like the person standing on the other side of the mirror was the one responsible for everything. And he was.
We had gone to dinner with Melodie’s friend. It was a persistent invitation that I always had an excuse for whenever Melodie brought it up. I had nothing against Faith, she was Melodie’s best friend since high school. She was always a welcome guest at our home, a really terrific person. The reason I kept dodging the dinner was her new boyfriend. She talked incessantly about him, he was a surgeon. That’s right, he was smart and successful, two things I was very much not. My insecurity prevented me from facing this man, named Roy, for the first five months they were together.
But the week before I had been caught flat-footed. I had no excuse ready when Faith pretty much confronted me about it. I sputtered a few starts of a sentence while watching Melodie standing behind Faith, shaking her head. I caved in. Of course we would go.
I readied myself before we went. A few sips of rum. I needed to loosen up so that when the dreaded “So what do you do?” questions came up I wasn’t feeling so bitter. The answer was nothing. I was between jobs, a string of meaningless jobs no one desired. Melodie was working hard in a busy kitchen, bringing home our rent and tending to me. I could barely stand myself.
On the drive over to Roy’s house I stopped for gas. When I got to the counter I bought a handle of vodka and stuffed it into my jacket pocket. In the bathroom I drank a few hearty gulps and walked back out to pump the gas. By the time we got to the house I was already feeling nice and warm.
Roy greeted us with a toothpaste commercial smile and tight hugs. He was exactly what I had been picturing in my mind. The complete opposite of myself. Even with that note of jealousy, I couldn’t help but be overcome by his friendliness and impressed with his home. It seemed we may actually get along well. Before dinner we sampled his craft beers, toured his massive house and enjoyed fancy cigars. I vaguely remember our dinner, I’m sure it was great food. I know I ate. But shortly after everything got confusing, my memory starts to blur.
The next time a complete memory surfaces, I recall kneeling over Roy’s ornate toilet heaving out my guts. The taste of bourbon was strong. We had been in the parlor, sampling his hundred dollar bottles. Roy was keeping his consumption nice and light, but even still I could tell I was pushing him past his comfort zone. Faith and Melodie’s disapproving faces peered in at us occasionally.
I bumped into the walls on my way to the bathroom, hoping I would find it soon. I guess I had been in there for a while, Faith started knocking on the door.
“Sam, you okay? I think Melodie is ready to get going…” she called through the door. I tried rising, using the sink as a balance.
“Yep… just about ready…” I replied. I tried my best to look casual as I exited. No one was buying it.
Right as we were heading out the door Roy came out of the parlor with a bottle of scotch.
“It was great meeting you, Sam. Here’s a little parting gift,” he slurred slightly and gave me the bottle, then gripped my shoulder in an awkward half-hug. I appreciated the gesture.
Melodie was expectedly quiet on the drive home. She was embarrassed by me. I couldn’t help but try to save face, I hated her being upset with me.
“Roy is awesome…” I muttered. She didn’t look at me.
“Yeah, well, you got him way too drunk and you made yourself look like a fool. Faith was really upset.”
A fight ensued, but yet again, whatever was said was quickly drowned under a sea of liquor as I spitefully broke open the bottle of scotch and gulped it. I was deposited on the couch in disgust once we got home. That was as good of a recollection as I could piece together.
My reflection offered no advice. We had done this enough that we both knew what to do. The next step was to face her and apologize.
Exiting the bathroom and walking over to the kitchen table was excruciating. I knew she was more than her usual level of upset when she didn’t even turn around to look at me. She kept busy fixing her coffee for a much longer time than was necessary. I decided to break the silence.
“Look, I know I got messed up last night. I’m sorry, I’m going to get better at the whole…you know…”
She paused her relentless stirring. She turned around and looked down at me. She didn’t have the expression I was expecting. It wasn’t the anger I deserved, it was something that made me feel all the worse. It was pity.
“Sam, I know how many times we go through this and I just can’t believe you anymore. I… after we got home I packed some things. I think I’m going to go stay at my sister’s for the holidays.”
This hit me like a freight train. In the five years we had lived together and the two we had been engaged we were always together.
“Mel, come on, please don’t do this,” I was near tears. She raised a hand to stop me.
“I love you. But I need you to get it together. When I come back things need to be different.”
I sat there stunned. I didn’t even have an argument. She was right. The rest of the morning went by in a blur. She left for work with a suitcase in tow. Then she was gone. She left me my old truck to get around with and some money for food.
I attempted to pull myself together. I spent the morning reading the classifieds. I even called a few places. Just about when the hangover replaced the buzz, I made up my mind to drink a little to continue being productive. Well, the bottle of scotch was nowhere to be found, so it was time to see if the truck would start up and deliver me to the liquor store. It groaned and sputtered, but eventually it yielded to my incessant attempts to turn it over.
I must have been the first person to show up, the clerk hadn’t even finished reading the paper before I dropped a case of beer on top of his sports page and presented my meal money to him.
I went to the parking lot and popped my first can immediately. One turned into four, and I saw the clerk come out for a cigarette break. He looked up at me, shaking his head. I scowled at him, daring him to come and say something. After our silent discussion he turned back inside. I figured he may call the cops to come and deal with me, so I took off.
I know that when I got back home I didn’t do anything productive. I toyed with the idea of calling Melodie’s sister’s house, but I never did. When the sun went down I was nearly done with the case and needed something else. My second trip to the liquor store was hastily made, gears grinding occasionally.
Of course, most people would know this was the time to call it quits. Whatever the reason, I was just not able to that day. I drove, directionless, out of town and away from familiar landmarks.

The collision didn’t wake me out of my fog. Neither did the vomit covering me, which I’m not sure was there before I crashed or after. I twitched awake and looked at my puke covered legs before noticing the tilt I was at. The front of my truck was in a ditch, a telephone pole leaving the front end completely totaled. The smoke rising from the hood alarmed me and I tried to exit the vehicle. The intense pain in my left shin took me by surprise. Between that and my inebriation and the angle the truck was resting, it was difficult to extract myself. I fell into the ditch and rolled, my shin screaming in agony. I tried to think of my next move but the alcohol was making it impossible.
I’m not sure how long I sat there. I knew I was completely fucked. I didn’t have any idea where I was. The road I was on was void of any houses or signs. It looked like I would have to find help and think about the consequences after. My shin was on fire, I didn’t know if it was broken. I didn’t want to look at it. I crawled out of the ditch eventually and kept my weight off of my leg as much as I could. I sat on the pavement for a moment, trying to breathe normally.
“Oh my god… oh my god…” the voice startled me. I turned my head to see a girl standing behind me, head to toe in winter jogging attire. She was staring at me in horror.
“You need help, oh no. Oh no, I can… I can get you help”
She came over to me and crouched down. She glanced at my leg and gasped.
“My parents, they live about a mile from here. We can go there and call an ambulance. Do you think you can walk?”
I looked at my shin. It was bright purple and swollen, a large gash ran up it.
“I’d need help,” I grimaced. She didn’t hesitate, she helped me to my feet and put my arm around her shoulders.
“Good, okay, it’s this way. We will take it slow,” she spoke softly. I figured her to be a college student, visiting home for the holidays. She was very beautiful, dark hair and green eyes. Athletic build.
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“Angel,” she replied. Of course it was. The road went steeply uphill and made it harder to put weight down on my left foot. She took a lot of my burden from me, she was unexpectedly strong.
“What happened?” she finally asked. I thought about my answer for a while. I didn’t want to have to tell her. But I felt I couldn’t lie.
“I… was drinking...” was all I could manage. She didn’t react.
“I hope you get better,” she said, looking at me thoughtfully. On the horizon I could see a field coming up. In the distance behind it was a light.
“That’s it, right there” she pointed to where I was looking. As we got closer I could make out the farm house in more detail. The only light on was the porch. Finally, we were walking down the dirt driveway. As we made it to the top step I felt the temperature drop. I had been warm from the effort of walking the mile, but suddenly felt like I had walked into a freezer.
Angel knocked on the door and turned to face me.
“Good luck,” she whispered.
Her body collapsed. I had been so used to her carrying my own weight that I fell to the ground trying to catch her. She lay across my lap completely limp. In my confusion I cried out while looking down at her eyes. They were completely vacant. She was dead. Her body was ice cold. Blood leaked from her eyes, mouth, nose and ears. Her torso was lumped and battered. Her legs stuck out unnaturally. The last thing I remember is screaming and wailing while her parents came out in terror. I will never forget their sobs.
After every horrid moment of that night was over and my injuries were tended to in the early morning hours I was told what police believed happened. I had hit her with my truck, then swerved and destroyed my vehicle. That part I know to be true. They also thought that I had carried that poor girl all the way back to her parents’ home. I know better. Somehow she had stayed to help me even after I killed her.
And she still does. I see her every day. Bloodied and destroyed, standing in corners when I’m alone, standing behind me when I look in mirrors. She doesn’t mean me any harm. She doesn’t frighten me. She was there to guide me that night, and continues to. She is my Angel.
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2022.01.22 20:44 Kelpsico 34 [M4F] NYC Area - Unkissed Seeking Unkissed

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2022.01.22 20:44 SeveralOnes8 “Ah actually lost mah vurginitie to a near me homes, ahm lidurally knot a racist”

I am lidurally a knot. 🥨
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So I just got an interview offer from Stanford, and according to their website, they won't count it against you if you decline to interview. I'm a bit skeptical of this claim, though. If it doesn't matter if you choose to interview or not, then why do they bother conducting interviews in the first place?
As a side note, I might decline even if it would have an impact on my chances of getting it. I'm socially awkward as fuck so having an interview definitely won't help me lol.
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2022.01.22 20:44 WhyNotZoidberg101 How is BedfordGrow's Azrael flower? My local dispensary has it on sale & I'm on a budget. It is the 26.87% batch. Does it have a nice OG or gassy flavor? I could only find a few reviews on here & they seem mixed. Any input is appreciated!

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Hey, I'm a league fanatic but my laptop broke yesterday so all I have is my switch in the meantime. I have minecraft for the switch and I'm down to just chill and play different video games as well. Dm me if it sounds gud to u
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2022.01.22 20:44 fallingdownz Birth Control & Constant Spotting(?)

TL;DR: I am on Aviane (birth control) to try to regulate my depression around my periods. I'm on my second pack, I skipped the placebo from the first one, and starting that week I started bleeding. It's been about 2 weeks and I'm still constantly bleeding (it's not as light as spotting but not as heavy as periods). Does anyone else have any experience with Aviane? Was it similar? And were you able to stop/regulate your bleeding?
----
Hi everyone! I'm not sure what flair I should be using (I'm using meds/supplements, but it might also be periods or something else, so please let me know if I'm mistaken).
So, I took a triphasic birth control once years ago when I was 16 or so. It was terrible and I quit after a month, because I bled the whole time, with constant cramping, terrible mood swings, bad stomach aches, the whole thing.
I am now on Metformin for my PCOS which has regulated my periods, and it's helped me track my moods and realize that my depression dips to its lowest before and during my period (I'm also on an antidepressant). I wanted to try a birth control to attempt to level out my depression around my periods, so my gyno put me on Aviane. I'm currently on my second pack, and I skipped the placebo from the first one, going straight onto this pack to try to skip my period (with my doctor's direction/approval).
Aviane has helped me with my cramps, migraines, and depression. However, I am getting annoyed much easier (but I can control it relatively well), and I believe it was the week that I skipped the placebo that I felt physically exhausted (but I have been fine after that).
The worst thing for me, though, has been the fact that I have been bleeding since midway through that week. It's not as light as spotting usually is for me, but it's not as heavy as periods usually are. It's only been about 2 weeks, which I know for some people that's nothing, but I am not used to bleeding for this long. Thankfully, there aren't the debilitating cramps that I usually get, but it's just constant bleeding and no matter what I'm using, I'm bleeding through everything and having to change my clothes and sheets a lot which hasn't happened in years.
Does anyone else have any experience with Aviane? Was it similar? And were you able to stop/regulate your bleeding?
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2022.01.22 20:44 Rhinoclub What are the coin prices on CDC app higher than on sites like coinmarketcap.com?

Anyone have an answer?
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Hello. Sorry if my questio is a lil silly.
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2022.01.22 20:44 Infinite_Sugar_1620 Gece gece aklıma takıldı amk

Agalar mesela bi bot yazsak bunu teyp e alla sövmeye programlasak ve teyp bunu dava etse hukuki olarak ne olur? Bot yazıyo sonuçta robot amk
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2022.01.22 20:44 Shimkooba Android VPN/block apps connection

Hi
I've been using Netguard to prevent some apps to connect to the Internet. Now I'd like to use a decentralized VPN and still block apps connection, but Android doesn't allow 2 VPNs active at the same time. I don't want to root my Samsung phone and wondered if you knew a way or a workaround.
Thank you!
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2022.01.22 20:44 cbbBot [Post Game Thread] James Madison defeats Charleston, 95-94

Box Score

Team 1H 2H Total
Charleston 45 49 94
James Madison 48 47 95
Index Thread for January 22, 2022
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2022.01.22 20:44 Business_Change_7251 Arctis 7x - wireless issues - mic issues

Hi all,
I bought the arctis 7x from argos. And I can't return anymore as I stupidly destroyed the box...
The headset sounds great however when connected with the dongle it's picking up all the sound and playing it through the headphones, very annoying. This happens both in a solo session and in a party.
The second problem is about the mic not picking up everything whilst in an in game chat with ps players or whilst connected to the pc. My friends can only hear half of what I'm saying which is rather inconvenient.
Does anyone have a clue how I can fix this?
All help is greatly appreciated! Thanks!
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2022.01.22 20:44 RLCD-Bot [Titanium White Octane] [Black Unzipped] [Radiant Gush] [Mandala]

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2022.01.22 20:44 opiate46 Singing Fish

So in the Dead Letter "Singing Fish", it's signed by Dwayne Barr. Any idea if this is supposed to be a Duane Barry reference from the X-Files? It even mentions aliens.
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2022.01.22 20:44 Mo7ammed_Gxx Wrong_Acadia_5225 invited me to chat and asked me to send him a picture of myself how can I deal with him? And when I tried to search for his username I didn’t find it

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2022.01.22 20:44 rowbradfo Mystery Autograph, probably from the 1960's but I'm not sure. Found in my grandmother's photo album. Long shot but hopefully someone has some info.


https://preview.redd.it/bz3njnzpsbd81.jpg?width=1869&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=230b85701124b5d702e947937c5ccdbde47eeed5
submitted by rowbradfo to AutographAssistance [link] [comments]


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